There are those who, without due diligence and without proper study, write and say whatever they feel like, on social media as they are the ultimate truths. There are those who maintain that the 'family' is the most primitive institution and that it is the most fascist system. Of course, everyone has the right to think that what they think is right. What evolutionary stages has the family itself has gone through over time! It was just in front of our eyes that the joint families gave way to nuclear families! Arranged marriages gave way to love marriages! How the number of children in families got reduced from eight or ten to two and one!

How has things changed from a situation where a man worked and supported his wife and children to a situation where both men and women work together and run the family in partnership! From the time when husbands and wives did not remain together and converse in public, to a time when they not only travel together arm in arm, but also husbands increasingly encourage and support their wives get into public places and even to politics!

Looking at it this way, we realize that the family system has changed a lot externally in the last 50 years. What remains yet to be completed is its internal transformation.

In the new era, if life partners maintain the old values in relation to their mutual relationships and individual growth, they would only be demolished by the tide of change that is sweeping our society. Some of the ideas need certainly to be amended.

Although I had heard of compatibility of suitors in relation to their horoscopes, I heard about compatible personalities only when I was 33. Compatibility of personalities is very basic to a happy and successful married life. (I have a vague memory of a story that I read some forty years ago. The writer was M.T. Vasudevan Nair. The newlyweds arrive at a cottage in the vicinity of a forest to spend their honeymoon. The husband, who went out at dusk in his truck, returns with a rabbit he hunted. He hands over the catch to his wife. The wife, looking at its bleeding body and half-closed eyes of the rabbit, feels that she is drifting away from him by light years!)

Communication is very central in spousal life. Communication is not all about talking to one's partner. Listening intently to one's partner, understanding hir perspective, and making positive interactions are all part of communication. Even conflict resolution comes as part of proper communication.

Valuing and respecting one's partner's thoughts, feelings, and personality is crucial for a harmonious and balanced partnership. This also includes supporting hir personal and professional dreams.

Being credible, transparent, and honest with each other is essential for a solid relationship. The pattern of marriages of the past was to hide as much as possible from one’s partner and sometimes even to tell lies. (It seems that many of our movies from some time ago were plots cut out from a lack of communication.)

A meaningful marriage can only be achieved by deeply sharing thoughts, feelings, and experiences and by developing a strong emotional connection. (It goes without saying that none of these were common patterns of practice in marriages of the past.) A marriage of our time can only go on meaningfully by both the partners becoming close friends, sharing a strong connection, being, traveling, laughing, and enjoying together. (In the past men used to go out with one’s male friends, play games, and go on trips, without involving one’s spouse.)

Not only being friends, but beyond friendship also maintaining a romantic relationship with one's spouse is very important in the present day marriage.

Couples should think of themselves as a team. They should share responsibilities, discuss among themselves and make decisions together, including in life's complexities, and work together as much as possible.

How both partners grow as individuals in life is also a vital thing to be considered. I repeat what I said at the beginning that personal growth should be enabled and encouraged in marriage. However, it is not be unidirectional and should be something that partners do for each other. At the same time, each one should accept reality and adapt to it.

Individuals and the relationship between them develop only over time. That's because it is a spiritual . No one can complete the spiritual endeavor one takes up through partnership without adapting and compromising to one's partner, helping and mending each other, and healing the hurts of ego that happens at times.